Why Black Lives Matter is So Important: My Story

At 37 years old, I recently realized that I once was a white supremacist. Ok, now, get images of me wearing a white cone head out of your mind and hear me out. 

While I've never been told explicitly, or opened up a fortune cookie that stated "white culture is the best culture": the shows that I watched; the Barbies that I played with; the people that I was friends with all seemed to unconsciously suggest that being white was better. I grew up ashamed of my culture.  I strived to be a twinkie (yellow on the outside and white on the inside) and any association with anything asian would deny me of that identity of being like a white person. 

When I told my parents to stop speaking Chinese to me in public, I was a white supremacist. 

When I asked my parents to never pack dumplings in my lunch, I was a white supremacist. 

When I avoided hanging out with the Azns (Asians) at school, I was a white supremacist. 

I used to think that these thoughts crossed my mind because I didn't want to be seen as different, but as I  felt shame over once thinking that I was better than my cousins because unlike them, I was born in the U.S., I realized that it was all white supremacist ideology. 

When I was in high school and college I always avoided associated myself with stereotypical asian things, you know, things like math club, techno music, Honda coupes, majoring in accounting, or playing the violin. Instead, I majored in forensic science, played the saxophone, joined the science club, listened to alternative music, drove a Toyota Echo, played lacrosse, and minored in philosophy. (I now dabble in roller derby, which is the least stereotypical asian thing that you could do and I might even get a tattoo someday -- haha probably not, only because of my tendency to get keloid scars)

I didn't want to be seen as just another model minority Asian girl. I didn't want to others to be able to paint a picture in their mind of who I was as a person before really getting to know me. I wanted to be seen as a unique individual. We need to see each other as unique individuals. 

Very simply put, I think at the core of the whole #BlackLivesMatter movement is just this very thing. Blacks don't want the color of their skin to even tint the facade of who others think they ought to be. They want to be seen for their own uniqueness, just as God, who loves each and every one of us, created us to be unique. I know that it goes so much deeper policy-wise, but in today's post, I'm just going to focus on the basics.

Your life matters. God sees you, He loves you, and He forgives you. 

Now that the scales have been peeled from my eyes, I am so proud of my cultural heritage, the people of my culture, the language, and the food...oh, the food. We are so lucky to be living in America, which is like a pizza filled with so many culture toppings, some even melting together in the cheese. We want to see each ingredient, savour it, appreciate it, and value it. But for now, we've got to focus on our Black friends, because many of them are stuck under the sauce and we need to help them get them back to the cheesy goodness.

Excuse my food analogy... I can't help it. 

Finding My Spark

[This was written over a year ago.] Just decided to post it today 

I have been asked to speak on a panel to help other moms identify what brings them happiness, life and fulfillment.  The popular phrase coined by Marie Condo "sparks joy" is immediately what pops into my mind when I think about the central message that I want to bring to the panel.

I'm not sure if I'm going to publish this, as I am writing this to help me process my thoughts, but you never know.

Idea 1: 
Over the winter break I read Marie Condo's book and started to implement the decluttering process that she prescribes in her book.  Basically you look at all the stuff you have, keep the stuff that sparks joy and then get rid of the stuff that doesn't. You don't need it.

Well, 2 1/2 months in, I am a believer of the method. Getting dressed in the morning is easier, I can pluck out any top and bottom from my wardrobe and be ok with wearing it. The house is less cluttered, and I can find things because there is a spot for everything (except for all of the artwork that the kids bring home.)

So in short, as a mom, knee deep in commitments, how does one find their spark? I think we can take away lots of lessons from Ms. Condo into life. Look at all the stuff that you are spending time on. (Social media, chauffeuring kids, volunteering, shopping, etc.) Make a list. Keep the items that are necessary, but then weed out those commitments that don't bring you or your family joy.

Idea 2: 
I think there are different points in everyone's life where you have to really stop and examine the person who you've become. High school graduation, College graduation, marriage, after kids. I think those are all of the main ones for me.

I think when determining passions, there are essentially different tiers of passions.
Global, Relational, and Personal.
For me:

Overall, serving God in all that I do. Listen to God. He reveals his will to us differently.

Global - Help kids see their way out of the cycle of poverty - that is why I decided to become a teacher. I believe that my history of overcoming various obstacles have helped me be able to relate to kids in at-risk situations.

Local - My family. Raising my kids to become loving and serving is what I'm passionate about. I take motherhood as an art. I'm working at it, perfecting it as I go. (Like my experience with making french macaroons)

Personal - I love staying active (exercising, roller derby), food, and crafting.

Those are my sparks. My recent researching about personality types have reminded me just how our personalities can affect our perspective of life. Whether it be Myers Briggs, Enneagram Types or one of the 4 tendencies, the take away is that people operate in different modes, and you have to understand what drives you. And remember what drives one person does not necessarily provide the same umph for another.

How has God worked through my life? Through my work with Academy 4, a character development/mentoring program that I've recently gotten involved with, I can see that God:

Puts me in the right place at the right time. I went back to get something left behind and ended up learning about a student who is having troubles. Because of this, I was able to set him up with a special mentor and it seems like it's exactly what he needs.

Provides. It's kind of like the modern version of Jesus feeds 5,000 with 2 loaves of bread and 5 fish. On a day where more than a quarter of the mentors have to be out, the Lord was able to provide enough mentors to make sure each kid still had their own mentor.

So if you are on a journey to find your spark, When you are pursuing your passion, you are letting your kids see that there is life outside of them. Include them when you can. My kids see my work with academy 4. They don't quite understand that yet, that's ok. I involve them with food and crafting.

Once you have a good idea of what steps you need to take, I'd say just jump in and do it. Just like sky diving, the initial jump is the scariest. Everything after the jump just falls into place, you just have to jump.