Mom Wandering

I explored Austin's downtown area with a recently made fellow mom friend this morning. We talked about our roots, how we met our spouses, you know, the usual small talk that moms use to gauge what topics are worth engaging in conversation.

While our conversation naturally covered quite an interesting range of topics,  I think one particular topic stood out to me as being very relevant to all stay at home moms starting their journey into motherhood: that is, transitioning from being a productive, work horse in the job force, which comes with recognition, and for the most part, monetary compensation; to a mom who daily faces all the doubts and guilt that comes from raising children.  Oh, and not to mention the obvious pay cut.

I get it. I used to be a middle school science teacher. When I left the profession right before the birth of my first child, I was at the top of my game: I was awarded teacher of the year; became a semi-finalist for the district's teacher of the year award; I was teaching, inspiring, and mentoring students -- making the world a better place, in my own tiny way.

Fast forward 4 months later, I was at home, with a tiny human whose survival depended 100% on me and my husband.

Suddenly it seemed as if life was put on hold. The hustle and bustle of lesson prep, conversations with students and colleagues all melted away and in its place a small, silent, bundle of life who simply viewed me as a walking set of udders. 

Life became EASY, which by EASY, I mean Tracy Hogg's Eat, Activity, Sleep and You Time schedule, which I repeated over and over each day. In the first few months, I felt like the Israelites from the book of Numbers, wandering in the wilderness for a long time, unsure what my life would be like a few months from those moments.  The first few months, I was seriously wondering, what my purpose was. Was I making a big difference? Could I be doing more if I were working instead of taking care of just one child?

But I know deep in my heart that God's will for me is to be at home with my children in this stage of life and that in the future, I will be back in the classroom, carrying out a different mission. Trust that God has already laid out your path and obey Him.

So in the meantime, if you are a mother who is struggling with a lack of self-worth, know that you are indispensable and that you are thriving in one of the most important jobs in the world: being a mom. The investment may be steep now, but the return, though delayed, will be great. Never feel like you are just a mom.

Oh, and a side note, I don't think wandering is a bad thing. The best way for me to learn the layout of a city is to wander around and get lost. You learn the traffic patterns, the side streets and where various things are located as you navigate yourself through the city. I'd say, during this time of being a full time mom, let yourself get lost and find your identity, refine your understanding of it.  If you figure out who you are as a person, when you finally get to your final destination, you'll be armed and ready to go.