No Pain, No Gain: On Creating Growing Opportunities for Our Children

I wished I had both parents actively involved in my life. I wished they could've attended at least a few of my school performances. I wish that they asked me more about my day. This wish list could go on, but I now understand that they were simply doing their best. I mean, my sister and I turned out ok, right? 

Now that I am a parent, I've tried to learn from my parents' mistakes and try to be the best parent that I can be for my children. I try to find new things for them to experience, cook with them, limit screen time, limit sugar, but teach them how to savor it once in awhile, you know, all the things a "good" mom does. I am trying to create for them the perfect childhood. But what I really should be doing is creating for them opportunities to become more brave, kinder, wiser and more resilient. 

Over the Christmas break, I read "Love Warrior" a book that I missed from book club. The following quote from Glennon Doyle Melton's book got me thinking about all of this: 

“So what is it in a human life that creates bravery, kindness, wisdom, and resilience? What if it's pain? What if it's the struggle?” 

I know that resilience is built through overcoming challenges. Good character comes out of defeating trial and tribulation. We are so blessed to be in a situation where we can provide all the material, emotional, and physical needs of our children and would give them anything that they need in a heartbeat; but, are we doing our children a disservice by being too available?

In the past, I’ve compared myself to other moms, thinking things like how could this mom let their child do…  or why would this mom have another child when... and then at the end of the very judgmental thought, I would pat myself on the back for being the caring mom who does all the good mom things. But now, I see the foolishness in that sort of thinking. I now realize that there are no such things as bad parents or good parents, we are all doing the best that we can and our kids (for the most part) will all turn out just fine.

For every parent, there is a fine line where you need to find the balance between “helicopter” parent and  the parent who leaves their children to the wolves.  How do I find that balance and still provide opportunities for them to truly struggle and overcome while I cheer them on from the sidelines?

My children are now 2 and 4. I think it’s OK for me to be there for them more so. But at what point do I step back and simply become a spectator?

You think this happens at my house everyday? I can only wish.
This is such a rare occurrence, hence, I took the picture.

On a side note: We have been going back and forth on whether or not to have a 3^rd child. The top reason against having another addition is that I didn’t think I would be able to have enough love and time to go around, they would all be receiving less love, less attention, and that was a tough thought to wrap my head around. But over Christmas  I’ve been thinking through on how to  not focus on providing them with the perfect childhood, but create more opportunities to grow to be like images of our perfect God. An aunt mentioned that even though they get less attention, they get over it. They get over it. Words so true. So I guess we better start planning for #3!